Rediscovery and Update

I know it has been a while. Hello everyone!

Where do I begin? The last you heard of me was around the time I left my first (1^st) job so I guess I would start from there. When I left my job, I honestly wanted to study abroad but since the course I wanted was not being offered so I decided to look for a new job. Months later, I could not find a new job, so I was asked to supervise our family business’ branch office around June, but I was permanently asked to help and work for the family business due to certain circumstances. Long story short, I am working for our family business for three (3) or so years now.

You might wonder why I took a step back from blogging. I had my reasons but my main one was I lost my passion for writing, blogging, reading, pretty much anything that I used to enjoy. Everything felt so mundane. After taking a break from that long, I realize that I still very much love Literature, blogging, and everything that I lost passion for that is why I did and am still doing everything possible for me to rediscover my love, my passion, and my desire for them.

I realize a lot while I was working on myself. Blogging is a place I created for myself especially with my blogs. No one could understand me in real life or offline, so I went to blogging. This is my world. While working on myself, I learned, realized, and discovered a lot but even after leaving my first (1^st) job and working in my family business. The conflict was still there. The main reason is there would always be stubborn and jealous people. There would always be people who do not wish to see other people excel because they are selfish and self-centered and that is alright. What my problem is when these kinds of people affect me and my overall well-being in a negative manner.

This 2019. Let us just say the year did not start out well for me. In fact, my beginnings with our family business did not start out well but it got better until this year. This year, I had two (2) mental breakdown in the span on one (1) month and I kept on having mental breakdown within the duration of six (6) months. I found a mental health server online that helped me through my latest breakdown. That was around late July. That online community help me survive and go through my breakdown in one piece so here I am. I met wonderful people in these community and some have become my friend already.

Anyways, a few updates. I was diagnosed late 2015 with Polycystic-Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). I have been doing everything possible to “treat” or rather fight the symptoms of my PCOS. My hormonal cystic acne is no longer as worst, but it is still bad, and it does affect my self-confidence a lot. I am still struggling but I would not give up the fight.

I lightly touched this subject earlier so I would like to go back to it. I started practicing mindfulness for my own mental and emotional health. Practicing mindfulness has helped me a lot in terms of realizing a lot of my thinking. I thought I was wrong, but I realize it was not me but rather the people around me. There is nothing with feeling depressed or sad about something especially when you do not know why you feel what you feel. Those emotions are valid so if anyone invalidates your emotions, do not listen to them. I never want anyone to invalidate my feelings just because they “feel embarrassed”, or “it makes them looks bad”, or anything like that because your emotions are valid. You have your reasons, whether you know it or not, for feeling what you felt. No one has the right to put you down and make you feel worse. I am still in the process of discovering more about myself so for now I would end this post here. I have a lot to say but right now these are all I can think and am comfortable enough to share with you all.

Peace and Love.

xoxo Sharm

Understanding Myself

Hi everyone, it has certainly been a while since I updated any of my blogs so what has been happening in my life?

Well, I found a job around the end of January 2015 and learned a lot from there but I recently quit that job with the intention to study again but I am not sure when yet. I really just want to spend time with myself and understand what had happened to me over the past year.

Around late last year, I found myself with the beautiful opportunities that came in the package of studying abroad but at the same time I also very much liked and felt quite satisfied and content with my job as I was learning a lot of things even if there were a number of complications. I thought long and hard whether to leave the job that I already have to pursue something that I was and still am clueless (in most aspect) about.

However… My dilemma has started. I suddenly went into the end of spectrum where there is little happiness, hope, and love cannot be found. I always thought that I was quite moody to the point of being “neurotic” (I know. I might be using this term quite loosely. I apologize for this!). I always found myself very depressed and lonely. I did want to eat anything nor do I want to be bothered by other people. I wanted to be alone but not really. I was so confused to why I was being that way since it has been a while since I have felt and thought of these things.

Every day I wake up, I contemplated why I had to go to work. I mean I like most of the people I worked with and I do enjoy and like what I was doing but I just felt hollow, sad, lonely, and trapped for some odd reason. I felt like I was mentally and emotionally so tired that to get through the day I just simply told myself “just get through today and you can get back to your bed”. All I thought about was sleep and how much I wanted to rest.

My thoughts while I was in the office (aside for being able to go back to bed at the end of the day) was cleaning. I wanted to clean everything in the office so badly. I got irritated so easily when I saw even a little speck of dust. It just was not pleasant. I also found myself constantly wanting to wash my hands throughout the day but I do not know why either.

Everything was just so out of placed and I felt so helpless. I could not control anything that was going on my life. I felt like I was going insane. For the most part, I was starting to feel like my sanity was just falling apart and way too quickly if I do say so myself. I started crying for no apparent reason. I get very anxious to the point that I have a hard time sleeping. I was practically half-asleep the first 2-4 hours of my sleep. I was just a nervous-wreck…

Basically, I was crying and feeling nervous without any apparent reason. I ended up losing my appetite more to the point that I only eat because I did not want people to ask “are you okay?” or think that something was wrong. I did not want to hear that question because I, myself, am asking that question and I cannot even answer the question. I mean how can I? I do not even know what was wrong with me!

After much thought and after a long time… I decided to pray. I was able to sleep well that night. When I work up, I know that I had to leave my job but not because I was unhappy with the tasks I was doing or the people I was working with but for a very personal reason that I would not want to say it here. You can think that it has something to do with my emotional and mental state.

(I also left my job because I wanted to better my career opportunities thus deciding to study again would be good since I know that would be an advantage for me.)

All I can say is I went through that stage over and over again when I was younger (until my high school years) and I know this will happen again as it has always happened before. I always found myself in the situation where I am happy, quite satisfied, and content but I would become extremely sad, lonely, and angry for no apparent reason the next days. These negative emotions stays with me for weeks to months until I do something that can make me get out of the funk. To be honest, I still do not understand what really happen to me or why I felt those emotions but I feel happy right now and I am actually enjoying every single day again so I want to treasure what I am feeling right now.

Now, I am trying to simply understand what was happening to me and simply enjoying my time to do the things I want and love since it has been a while. I can once again grab a book and be completely absorbed in it.

Done with Thesis

 

I am finally done with thesis! All those work and time I put to my thesis… WORTH IT!

 

Thank you for everything!

 

Let us hope I can update my blogs more! By the way, I need to look for a job. I want to work in a place where I can mix what I want to do with what I have to do… For now, I am thinking about anything that revolves around Fashion and Beauty. I am thinking of Fashion magazines.

 

Anyone willing to give me a job? I really want to find a job that can lead to a possible, wonderful career.

Politics is Inevitable

It seems that politics is everywhere and in everything. The current issue is how Tacloban City Mayor Romualdez is claiming that Mar Roxas does not wish to help Tacloban due to the fact that he is a Romualdez. The so-called statement that Roxas has allegedly said to Romualdez is:

“You have to be careful because you are a Romualdez, and the President is an Aquino.”

I do not understand why Mar Roxas has to say this statement to Romualdez because it does not have anything to do with the relief operation. What does being a “Romualdez” have to do with the national government helping Tacloban? The only answer I can think of is the fact that Romualdez is a relative of Marcos but that is still not a reason for Mar Roxas to bring the card out of the table since it is the national government’s job to help the victims. Roxas states that Romualdez cannot be a victim forever but I do not think he is saying this because he is a victim. The reason he said this is because he cannot comprehend why Roxas would say one such statement to him instead of helping the Tacloban city. For the record in all due respect to Mar Roxas, Alfred Romualdez is a victim because he is lucky to have lived after that tragic event.

Another political issue that shows politics is inevitable is the one with Hong Kong. After the incident last 2010, one government official proposed a bill that requires Filipinos to get a visa when they wish to travel to Hong Kong. I do believe this is a way to pressure our government to apologize but it came to my surprise when my cousin from Hong Kong told us last night that she was not allowed to book a flight with Philippine Airlines thus she ended up buying a ticket for a business class seat in Cathy Pacific. The reason? Accordingly, Philippine Airlines is for the “maids” meaning the lower class. She also told us that the moment she set foot in Manila her phone alarmed in the sense that she received a text message telling her to be careful here in Manila.

In both cases, I do believe that there is politics… Roxas might not admit it but for us it does seem he is politicizing Romualdez for being a “Romualdez”. On the other hand, Hong Kong is pressuring our government in so many ways that just leaves one stunned and tries to comprehend the reason for taking such action. It is quite painful that our country is being look upon by foreigners as a “dangerous place” but what is worst is the fact that even within our government there is a problem of politicizing “names”.

Sources:

http://manilatimes.net/you-are-a-romualdez-and-the-president-is-an-aquino/59616/

http://newsinfo.inquirer.net/544647/roxas-to-romualdez-you-cant-be-a-victim-forever

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g_oxV8ylgOI