Understanding Myself

Hi everyone, it has certainly been a while since I updated any of my blogs so what has been happening in my life?

Well, I found a job around the end of January 2015 and learned a lot from there but I recently quit that job with the intention to study again but I am not sure when yet. I really just want to spend time with myself and understand what had happened to me over the past year.

Around late last year, I found myself with the beautiful opportunities that came in the package of studying abroad but at the same time I also very much liked and felt quite satisfied and content with my job as I was learning a lot of things even if there were a number of complications. I thought long and hard whether to leave the job that I already have to pursue something that I was and still am clueless (in most aspect) about.

However… My dilemma has started. I suddenly went into the end of spectrum where there is little happiness, hope, and love cannot be found. I always thought that I was quite moody to the point of being “neurotic” (I know. I might be using this term quite loosely. I apologize for this!). I always found myself very depressed and lonely. I did want to eat anything nor do I want to be bothered by other people. I wanted to be alone but not really. I was so confused to why I was being that way since it has been a while since I have felt and thought of these things.

Every day I wake up, I contemplated why I had to go to work. I mean I like most of the people I worked with and I do enjoy and like what I was doing but I just felt hollow, sad, lonely, and trapped for some odd reason. I felt like I was mentally and emotionally so tired that to get through the day I just simply told myself “just get through today and you can get back to your bed”. All I thought about was sleep and how much I wanted to rest.

My thoughts while I was in the office (aside for being able to go back to bed at the end of the day) was cleaning. I wanted to clean everything in the office so badly. I got irritated so easily when I saw even a little speck of dust. It just was not pleasant. I also found myself constantly wanting to wash my hands throughout the day but I do not know why either.

Everything was just so out of placed and I felt so helpless. I could not control anything that was going on my life. I felt like I was going insane. For the most part, I was starting to feel like my sanity was just falling apart and way too quickly if I do say so myself. I started crying for no apparent reason. I get very anxious to the point that I have a hard time sleeping. I was practically half-asleep the first 2-4 hours of my sleep. I was just a nervous-wreck…

Basically, I was crying and feeling nervous without any apparent reason. I ended up losing my appetite more to the point that I only eat because I did not want people to ask “are you okay?” or think that something was wrong. I did not want to hear that question because I, myself, am asking that question and I cannot even answer the question. I mean how can I? I do not even know what was wrong with me!

After much thought and after a long time… I decided to pray. I was able to sleep well that night. When I work up, I know that I had to leave my job but not because I was unhappy with the tasks I was doing or the people I was working with but for a very personal reason that I would not want to say it here. You can think that it has something to do with my emotional and mental state.

(I also left my job because I wanted to better my career opportunities thus deciding to study again would be good since I know that would be an advantage for me.)

All I can say is I went through that stage over and over again when I was younger (until my high school years) and I know this will happen again as it has always happened before. I always found myself in the situation where I am happy, quite satisfied, and content but I would become extremely sad, lonely, and angry for no apparent reason the next days. These negative emotions stays with me for weeks to months until I do something that can make me get out of the funk. To be honest, I still do not understand what really happen to me or why I felt those emotions but I feel happy right now and I am actually enjoying every single day again so I want to treasure what I am feeling right now.

Now, I am trying to simply understand what was happening to me and simply enjoying my time to do the things I want and love since it has been a while. I can once again grab a book and be completely absorbed in it.



Done with Thesis

Photo on 4-16-14 at 1.55 PM #3

Photo on 4-16-14 at 1.55 PM #2


I am finally done with thesis! All those work and time I put to my thesis… WORTH IT!


Thank you for everything!


Let us hope I can update my blogs more! By the way, I need to look for a job. I want to work in a place where I can mix what I want to do with what I have to do… For now, I am thinking about anything that revolves around Fashion and Beauty. I am thinking of Fashion magazines.


Anyone willing to give me a job? I really want to find a job that can lead to a possible, wonderful career.


Politics is Inevitable

It seems that politics is everywhere and in everything. The current issue is how Tacloban City Mayor Romualdez is claiming that Mar Roxas does not wish to help Tacloban due to the fact that he is a Romualdez. The so-called statement that Roxas has allegedly said to Romualdez is:

“You have to be careful because you are a Romualdez, and the President is an Aquino.”

I do not understand why Mar Roxas has to say this statement to Romualdez because it does not have anything to do with the relief operation. What does being a “Romualdez” have to do with the national government helping Tacloban? The only answer I can think of is the fact that Romualdez is a relative of Marcos but that is still not a reason for Mar Roxas to bring the card out of the table since it is the national government’s job to help the victims. Roxas states that Romualdez cannot be a victim forever but I do not think he is saying this because he is a victim. The reason he said this is because he cannot comprehend why Roxas would say one such statement to him instead of helping the Tacloban city. For the record in all due respect to Mar Roxas, Alfred Romualdez is a victim because he is lucky to have lived after that tragic event.

Another political issue that shows politics is inevitable is the one with Hong Kong. After the incident last 2010, one government official proposed a bill that requires Filipinos to get a visa when they wish to travel to Hong Kong. I do believe this is a way to pressure our government to apologize but it came to my surprise when my cousin from Hong Kong told us last night that she was not allowed to book a flight with Philippine Airlines thus she ended up buying a ticket for a business class seat in Cathy Pacific. The reason? Accordingly, Philippine Airlines is for the “maids” meaning the lower class. She also told us that the moment she set foot in Manila her phone alarmed in the sense that she received a text message telling her to be careful here in Manila.

In both cases, I do believe that there is politics… Roxas might not admit it but for us it does seem he is politicizing Romualdez for being a “Romualdez”. On the other hand, Hong Kong is pressuring our government in so many ways that just leaves one stunned and tries to comprehend the reason for taking such action. It is quite painful that our country is being look upon by foreigners as a “dangerous place” but what is worst is the fact that even within our government there is a problem of politicizing “names”.






This Time He is Alone

Every single time that Manny Pacquiao has a fight, one thing is certain every single Filipino is with him. Giving all their support and hopes for him to win the match but this time he needs to fight alone in a match with the Bureau of Internal Revenue (BIR). Although, Pacquiao still has supporters but these supporters cannot do anything to help him because if by any chance he is guilty of the accusation then his supporters would not exactly back him up and fight for him.


I am not saying Manny Pacquiao is guilty after all who am I to judge someone who has worked hard for his money but when I heard Kim Henares saying that the BIR have given Pacquiao a leeway already, it just stuns me. I remember that the BIR once said that everybody are equal in the eyes of the law so does that mean Manny Pacquiao deserves a special treatment of a “three-year” leeway?


I understand Manny Pacquiao has done a lot of things for Filipinos especially for the victims of the earthquake and typhoon but, for me, he does not differ from any of us thus if he is said to have committed tax evasion then he should not be excuse of it. Another thing to note about this case is when our dear Philippine President decides to answer back when Pacquiao is repeatedly saying that everything about this case is “politicized”. For the record, Pacquiao did not name anybody. I think this is a good example of how the government or the state controls the people through media. After all, it is unnecessary for the president to make any comment and the fact is we are somehow drifting away from the Pork Barrel Scam. Lately, we can no longer hear anything about the said scam. Even if there is news about it, the scam is only a side note to this big issue of “tax evasion” that Manny Pacquiao is accused of committing.

I think it is clear that this time Pacquiao has to face this issue alone and without the full force of the Filipinos behind him. I remember certain Filipinos being interviewed and saying something like if he can prove he is not guilty then he should prove it. Before he and his team always choose and negotiate whom his next opponent would be, this time he cannot do that because his opponent is the government. By the end of the day, I would be watching this case’s progress and hope that it would be a fair trial.